I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bring me that man meat
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
