If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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