did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize