YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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