someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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