I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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