I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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