I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I want is dick and wine.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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