Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its not stalking. its research.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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