I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
