oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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