If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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