Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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