Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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