Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
