Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
