My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
