So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
