we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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