Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
