They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
