And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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