he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
