You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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