You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
