every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
