I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
