The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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