I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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