Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
