I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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