I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
