Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
