yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
