She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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