I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
