I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
