is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
