I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just high enough for therapy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
