Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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