I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
