the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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