the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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