The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
