Dual....:-)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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