I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
