where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
