so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
