you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
