its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
