Three words: puerto rican gang bang
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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