I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
