i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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