dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
