Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
