Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
